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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587581">I’m broken</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrielStories7768/pseuds/SabrielStories7768'>SabrielStories7768</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sabriel OS [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, all this is, is sadness, no happy ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:01:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SabrielStories7768/pseuds/SabrielStories7768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He sobbed wholeheartedly. He bowed over and let out everything he’s been holding for months now. He lost his love. He lost the man that made everything so much better. His best friend. The man who’s always been there even when he pulled away. The one who got him to love again. He took his love and walked out the door with it. And it hurt him too much not to cry.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gabriel/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sabriel OS [15]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844479</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’m broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why? Sam! Why do you have such a high disregard for yourself?!” Gabriel yelled as Sam slammed the hotel door. Sam was ignoring him, he grabbed his travel bag. </p><p>“No, Samual you are not getting out of this one!” Gabriel said, taking the bag from Sam’s hands and putting it on the bed. </p><p>Sam took a deep breath, obviously trying not to lose his cool. He pushed Gabriel away slightly, walking past him and grabbing things he would be packing up.</p><p>“Just leave me alone,” Sam said. </p><p>“No!” Gabriel exclaimed. “Not until you talk to me! We’ve been doing this for months now! You throw yourself in unnecessary danger! You’re not eating or sleeping or taking proper care of yourself and you expect to be able to function?!” </p><p>“I don’t have to explain myself to you!” Sam snapped at him. “I don’t have to explain myself to anyone! I don’t owe anyone that!” </p><p>Gabriel scoffed, “So what? I’m supposed to sit back while you slowly kill yourself?!” </p><p>Sam rolled his eyes, “I’m not killing myself,” He argued</p><p>“Yes, you are! When was the last time you got more than an hour of sleep? Ate a full meal? Drank some water?! Sam your body will shut down!” Gabriel looked at Sam like he was crazy. </p><p>“I don’t need a babysitter! If you don’t like it, leave!” Sam snapped at him. </p><p>“I’m not leaving you to give up on yourself!” </p><p>“I already did! You said it yourself I’m not eating, sleeping, drinking water! Yeah, I’m not! I wasn’t! I gave up!” Sam shouted and took a deep breath as he started shaking. </p><p>Gabriel stared at him in surprise that he admitted it, “Why?” </p><p>Sam refused to look at Gabriel, but he stopped moving. He looked like he was going to start crying, “Because I just can’t… I didn’t love myself anymore,” Sam said. </p><p>“You’re speaking in the past tense, either you do or you don’t. Sam, which is it?” Gabriel asked, and Sam swallows thickly. </p><p>“I’ve been trying, okay? Mindlessly trying. But I can’t. There too much,” Sam whispers. </p><p>“What are you talking about?” </p><p>“I love someone I can never have. It destroys me! It mocks me. Every. Single. Day! It hurts, okay? I don’t wanna feel that pain. So I make my own,” </p><p>“How can you love someone else? You barely love yourself. Sam, you need to-” </p><p>“Don’t tell me I need to love myself before I can love someone else. That’s bullshit and we both know it. I can’t remember the last time I truly loved myself… but. He… I love him so much I’ve gone numb to my own self-hate,” Sam said. </p><p>He shoved everything in his bag, “What hurts is that I can’t have him. Whether or not he loves me back.” </p><p>Sam refused to look at Gabriel. Gabriel took a deep breath “Who- who is-” </p><p>“Please don’t ask me. Please,” Sam whispers. He looked at Gabriel, eyes shiny with tears. </p><p>“Sam?” Gabriel’s voice was quiet. “Why can’t you have him?” </p><p>Sam scoffs, “Because I can’t drag him down with me. I won’t.” </p><p>“You’re keeping yourself from love?” Gabriel asked. </p><p>“No matter what anyone says or believes. I’m toxic, I’m bad, and hell-bound. I wish I could allow myself to love again, once more… but I can’t.” </p><p>“Sam please, won’t you just tell me who it is? You used to tell me everything,” Gabriel’s voice cracked. </p><p>Tears fell from Sam’s eyes as he zipped up his bag, and he looked at Gabriel. He shrugged, “It‘s you, and it always has been.” </p><p>The whisper barely registered in Gabriel’s head. Everything around them stopped. Sam moved to leave, but Gabriel grabbed him, pulled him in close and kissed him. </p><p>Sam didn’t fight him. He melted into it, almost dropping his bag. Gabriel felt the tears on Sam’s cheeks, and some on his own. Their lips moved perfectly with each other. </p><p>Gabriel pulled himself away and Sam took a deep breath, he just looked even more broken. </p><p>“Don’t leave- please…” Gabriel's voice was a beg. </p><p>“I can’t stay. I love you, Gabriel. But I can’t drag you down with me. And I’m sorry, but I can’t have you.” </p><p>Sam left with those words, Gabriel stared at the wall as the door closed. He fell to his knees, and for the first time in a very, very, very long time. He sobbed. </p><p>He sobbed wholeheartedly. He bowed over and let out everything he’s been holding for months now. He lost his love. He lost the man that made everything so much better. His best friend. The man who’s always been there even when he pulled away. The one who got him to love again. He took his love and walked out the door with it. And it hurt him too much not to cry.</p>
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